by PD Alleva

What is something on your bucket list you have accomplished? Want to accomplish?
I haven’t forgotten to change out of flip flops to go to the gym in over a month, now. In the future, I’d like to own workout clothing with no holes worn into them.

What is something readers may be surprised to learn about you?
I don’t like argyle patterns.

Do you listen to music when you’re writing?
Yes, I listen to my rock n’ roll records backwards so I get satanic messages to put in my books, subliminally, of course.

Are your plotting angels or demons?
Glitter and cute fuzzy pink puffballs that eat humans.

What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
My editor—Hi Linette!—hates my flair for 17th century Puritanical English. I also use a lot of semi-colons; I think they’re groovy.

You’re in a tavern, and a dwarfed alien challenges you to a duel. What do you do?
Buy the whole tavern another round, grab her/him, and steal away to the stage to preform a drunk rendition of “Low Places”. The only duels I participate in involve Karaoke or chess.

Do you view writing as a kind of spiritual practice?
No, I much prefer the term “anger management”.

Do you have a flare for over dramatization?
I avoid drama like sardines on a pizza.

Do you believe in sarcasm? If so, how does this sarcasm make its way into your books?
No, I don’t believe in sarcasm. There’s not place for it in my books. I would never be sarcastic, and honestly, I am not sure how people find any type of sarcasm to be humorous in any capacity.

If you were in a grocery store and were given one basket, but you could fit as much as you want of only ONE item in that basket, what would that item be and why?
It wouldn’t be eggs. I would put each egg in separate baskets so as not to offend them. I would like to use this platform to say that anyone who puts all the eggs into a single basket is causing significant potential harm to the egg—that was sarcastic, by the way. I don’t like the grocery store or stores in general. I wouldn’t have a basket. Pushing a basket at a grocery store denotes the potential to fill said basket. That’s too much commitment for me. 

What do you feel is the impact modern societies “Political Correctness” has had on the artistic world? You can include books, movies, comedy, music or anything else you may want (including animals, if that’s your thing)
I watch C-Span…well, I did, when I was ten. Don’t tell anyone, though.

Are you a serious person or do you laugh at yourself often?
Completely serious.

How would your mother (or best friend) describe you?
Friends? Was I supposed to have any? I don’t feel I’ve made proper preparations for this interview, now.

Are you prepared for an alien invasion? What would you be willing to do to survive?
Of course, I’m prepared. I’ve been waiting for my family to come and retrieve me from this 3D institution for more than three decades. Why are you asking? Is there something you know that I don’t? Survival, heh, I have advanced fluency in the United States tax code, would there be an activity that is more frightening than that

Are zombies real? Do you see them in your daily travels?
Sure, they are. You driven through suburbia lately? Been to a Starbucks? A “bunko night”? I’m just sayin’…

Star Wars or Star Trek; Harry Potter or Fantastic Beasts; Hunger Games or Planet of the Apes; Avengers or Justice League?
“Bambi”

You learn you have the power to destroy half of all humans on the planet, but if you don’t the human race will be wiped off the earth in a hundred years. Do you use your power?
Just because I can doesn’t mean I should.

What is the one book you’ve read that you consider an absolute masterpiece? And Why?
“The Very Hungry Caterpillar” because I like caterpillars.

Vampires or Werewolves; Zombies or Ghosts; Human beings or Aliens; which are more frightening and which make for better stories?
Human beings are the most frightening and make for the best stories. Why, Erin? Oh, because we are the root of all of the above. We have free will and the ability to do good, but with that comes the ability to also do great evil. Vampires, werewolves, zombies, ghosts—they’re all metaphors for the dark energy that human beings are capable of creating through our own thoughts and actions.